One from the vaults: Marital aid

While I love a good argument, my husband dislikes any form of confrontation, particularly one he’s likely to lose. Yes, I generally like to have the last word. So he tries very hard never to give me the satisfaction of having it. Just about the only thing we ever used to argue about was directions while driving the car.

Yes, of course, that old chestnut. Women can’t find their way out of a paper bag, read a map, nor do they have any spatial awareness. While guys never ask for directions, never check on a map beforehand, never turn around after making a wrong turn etc etc But all that ended with the advent of GPS.

Having a GPS means never having to ask for directions, never having to check the route beforehand, never, ever having to say sorry, and, of course, if you do get lost, it’s not your fault!

Yes, there’s another woman now telling my husband, and your’s, exactly what to do and when. Hard as it is to believe, he’s actually listening. Has anyone ever heard a GPS with a man’s voice – no, I thought not.  The more sophisticated versions will even find you restaurants, petrol stations, whatever you need. How many marriages has this device saved? Is anyone keeping track?

They also do similar devices for bikes, and I’m sorely tempted to get one. However, it’s rare for my husband to take me on a wild goose chase on two wheels. Not that he hasn’t tried. But, it’s more that I now know my way around the surrounding countryside so much better than he does.

What he really needs is a device which keeps track of his peripherals: glasses, wallet, keys, mobile phone, briefcase. Now I know that my husband is not alone in being regularly parted, often only temporarily, with these things. But boy, do we waste a lot of time and energy trying to find them. While this would  deny me many more after dinner stories and jokes, frankly we’ve been married so long I already have at least three book’s worth, how many more do I really need?

31 Comments on “One from the vaults: Marital aid

  1. Jackie hates Satnavs. Especially after I bought her one and it took us back to my London flat when we were on our way from the New Forest to Nottingham.

    Liked by 2 people

      • One time my hubby could not find his motorbike keys and we hunted high and low for them. He was all ready to go, with his crash hat on his head. In the end he gave up the idea of going out and took his crash hat off. And there were the keys sitting on top of his head! He often used to put them in his hat as he took it off! Funny!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Haha, our GPS has different possibilities, male/female voice, my husband says one can also buy dialects or ways of speaking, for example it would speak to you as if you were a complete dummy (who would want that???). My husband chose the female voice because he says that feels just like before … 😀
    I used to be the map reader, but that only helps, if the driver follows orders. 😉 I was completely unable to cope in Paris, when we were looking for the Danish embassy and I should detect street names … on the signs and on the map … traffic was simply too quick.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I had to laugh at this post. I used to lose my keys regularly enough to have a saying, “Key alert. Key alert. This is not a drill.” It was to keep it light and poke fun at myself. My husband got me a device to put on my keyring that would beep whenever I clapped. It worked sometimes, but one time when we were at a military funeral in Arlington Cemetary, the synchronized gunfire during the ceremony set it off repeatedly. Fortunately, we were standing at the back of the crowd and hopefully, not many people heard the device buried in my raincoat pocket. I removed the beeper after we got back home.

    Liked by 3 people

  4. My old GPS unit had a male voice…Simon. I replaced him with Randy after Simon’s unit died. Now I have Stuck up Stephanie giving me directions. I do miss Simon. He had character, but messed up once in a while once big time! I drove to Salt Lake City and arrived after dark in pouring down rain and on the way to my hotel Simon had me turn right…right on a one-way street going the wrong the direction with traffic headed straight for me!! The most hilarious thing about it was the car in front of me did the same thing! We both turned into the first driveway/parking lot we saw and as we passed each other we gave each other the same stunned and wtf look! She too was going to the same hotel I was. It was then I uploaded Randy and told Simon if he ever did anything like that again Randy was in the wings ready to take his place. Simon was good from that day until the unit died. I’ll never forget that unit.

    GPS has stopped us arguing about directions too, but we do both check the route first to make sure the GPS is right and doesn’t take us on a wild goose chase. Simon’s influence at work! 🤣

    Liked by 2 people

  5. We make it a game: my husband keeps the GPS on and I punch in the directions on my phone. I love both devices talking at the same time! We get where we are going and we have a good time getting there.

    Liked by 1 person

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