View from the Back
Ramblings of a retiree in France
One from the Vaults: Things my beloved says – I’ll be able to help more when my leg’s better!
I wrote this post back in May 2017 but sadly very little has changed. My beloved has been promoted to Officer in Charge of Drinks (OCD) which means he makes the coffee at breakfast, afternoon tea and opens bottles of wine – if I’m lucky! He’s recently become semi-retired but, thus far, this hasn’t lead to him doing more around the flat.
I’m married to the original high-maintenance man who basically does little other than his job. I pretty much take care of everything else. My family call him “The man who just turns up.” He’s not what you would call domesticated. There are times when I believe he was put on this earth simply to create more work for me. I joke that he’s MC (Master in Chief) Drinks but even that’s debatable. He does open the odd bottle and has been known to offer to make cups of tea or coffee, but rarely completes the task in full. He has on odd occasions inexpertly wielded a vacuum and very occasionally put the rubbish out, but that’s pretty much it. He has no idea how most of our electrical appliances work or where anything goes in the kitchen, despite having lived here for over 12 years.
My work-load has increased exponentially since he broke his leg over two months ago. Initially, he got around the flat on his crutches so he couldn’t fetch or carry anything, that was my job. Patience is not one of his strong suits. When he wants something, he wants it NOW! So imagine my surprise when he acknowledged my increased workload and said that as soon as his leg was better, he’d be able to help out more. As if the act of his leg mending is suddenly, and inexplicably, going to make him more amenable to helping out around the house. I also take objection to the more which somehow implies that he’s going to be doing more than he does at the moment. More than nada is still nada! To be honest, I’d just settle for him making less mess.
When we were in Australia, I kept seeing these large billboards asking if I needed a husband. They were promoting a handyman service whereby qualified tradesmen come around to do all those jobs you’ve been waiting for ever for “him indoors” to do. Sadly, they don’t appear to have a French franchise. But that’s exactly what I need. I have a million and one jobs around the house that require someone (other than me) who’s handy with a paintbrush and screwdriver. My beloved isn’t exactly bad at DIY but again he never finishes any of the jobs he starts and tends to make so much mess that it’s not worth even considering asking him.
The accidental loss of one of his crutches has forced him to start walking without either of them. However, he’s still not doing any more around the house. Instead he’s still expecting me to wait on him hand and foot! He’ll be taking his first solo business trip without the crutches next week when he’ll be away for just over a week, including the UK Bank Holiday week-end. This will give me enough time to get everything clean and tidy and then, on his return, he’s going to get a rude awakening.
Of course, I still have to organise my reward. I’m thinking a few days away on my own, somewhere I’ve not been before, in mid-June. Suggestions welcome.
View from the Back 
You are very lucky, don’t push it!
Joanna
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Joanna, I do realise that I’m very fortunate.
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Men are so funny–‘I’ll be able to help you more…’ Hilarious!
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Exactly!
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Well unless you like snow and wind don’t come to Wyoming😀😀They don’t recognize that it’s spring almost summer here😳
Sent from my iPhone
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I do not like snow and wind but funnily Wyoming has never featured on my « must visit list. »
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I really couldn’t relate until my husband passed 5 years ago. Now it’s me or nothing until one of my sons shows up …not often enough.
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I shan’t have that challenge if my beloved pre-deceases me. Plus, I don’t have any kids.
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Priceless Sheree..”
More than nada is still nada! To be honest, I’d just settle for him making less mess.”
I think you best not be home when her gets there and take a long vaca.
He’ll get it then… 😂😂
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Can you imagine the mess he’d make while I’m away? TBH, it doesn’t bear thinking about.
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true that.. point taken.. 😂 report in we’d love to hear all.
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😎
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I read somewhere that there are husbands who share housework. Hmm. It must be an newer model than ours. 😉
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Mine did. I told him when we got married” I’m not your mother nor your maid”. Although he was used to doing chores, I made it clear he was not stopping doing them just because we are married. He was the oldest child and often had to care for younger siblings. My mother-in-law had already handled these things before he grew up. 🙂 He could cook some dishes better than me.
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Sadly, my mother-in-law did not provide any assistance and over the years I’ve found it easier to do it myself.
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My mother-in-law did not provide any assistance either. She came to visit and made us wait on her. 🤣, but I didn’t mind. She was such a sweet lady and had health issues.
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Under no circumstances would I have ever called my mother-in-law sweet
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LOL! I guess I was lucky, again. My mother-in-law was a carefree person. Just long as she had her cola, and TV, she was cool. Of course, her son was who cooked for her and waited on her when she came to visit. LOL! She didn’t meddle in our business.
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You *were* very lucky
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I do believe this is learned behaviour which we unconsciously re-inforce. After 30 years, I’ve given up. Trade-in is the only practical option 🙂
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😂
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:), I think it depends a lot upon how a person was brought up. My mother-in-law was a single Mom with six kids, her husband was deceased, she had to work, therefore, she had to train him, the eldest child to help out. He didn’t like doing dishes so he kept a dishwasher handy. 🙂 Laundry, cooking, cleaning the house were things he did without my having to tell him. Sometimes he would be on me about messing up. 🙂 I didn’t realize how rare he was until I heard other women talking.
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Hang onto him tightly!
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I did. 🙂
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Well, there’s our solution. Trade them in for newer models.
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hahaha nice title “Officer in Charge of Drinks (OCD)” It fits me perfectly ::)
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😎
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Excellent Nice post
Thanks
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I am grateful to have the reverse situation, which I’ve written about in my post “It’s the Cereal, Stupid.” Since my spouse retired while I was still working, he’s been making things too easy for me. That’s not good either; I fear I’ve “learned helplessness.” But I hear you. Good for you focusing on your beloved’s other qualities most of the time.
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Leopard’s rarely change their spots. I suspect your OH was already helpful and he’s merely expanded his repertoire
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That whole helping more paragraph made me chuckle. But how very frustrating! As far as somewhere to go for vacation, I must say that I can’t wait to go to Wyoming at the end of July. I’ve gone every year since college (mid-seventies) with the exception of two years and I love it. Where we go is beautiful. However, it’s not an easy trip from France. Surely you could find somewhere wonderful in France or maybe…Portugal? Good luck. 🙂
janet
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Janet, there are lots of lovely places in Europe. I’m sure too that Wyoming has its charms.
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Great idea! Thx. 💖💖💖
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💜 Scotland 🏴 , the Edinburgh Festival; then Emigrate with YOUR!!! Beloved to Australia 🇦🇺 where there ARE plenty willing to do The “DIY” Job Control Freak; at a Fair Price of course
…💛💚💙…
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When Jim did anything around the house (take out the trash, set the table, open a wine bottle, etc.) he would say, “Do I have to do everything?” with a little grin, but I know he meant he felt like he was carrying the load. Men! The one thing he did consistently and well was keep the car clean. Alas, since he died, I rarely clean the car–“That is Jim’s job,” I say when someone points out how dirty my car is. I would hate for him to think I can get by totally without him.
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Mine totally ignores the car but I do occasionally get him to give ma a hand at the carwash
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💜 The best thing about ladies 🚺 😍 ❤️ 💕 ♥️ 💙 🚺 is 👩 when ladies 🚺 Get Gobby EveryOne; in a bar 🍸 😀 😉 😄 👍🏾 😜 🍸 one evening a lady cracked a joke while I had a mouth full of red 😀 😉 😜 👍🏾 😄 🤣 😀 wine 🍷 and ✍️ I laughed so hard I sprayed it in Her Face…profusely I apologised yet She simply said “No worries.” as ALL Aussie Chicks do in such situations; then I handed Her a napkin and we continued Civil, Polite, Courteous Conversation
…💛💚💙…
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💜 …Aussie Chicks ARE also amazing 👏🏾 😍 👌🏾 🙌 😉 ✨️ 👏🏾 at DIY and Driving 🚗 ♥️ 😀 😍 😄 😎 🚗 so I Often Feel like a Spare Tyre; only very useful in Puncture and DIY Disaster Situations 😀 😄 😉 👍🏾 😜 😊 😀 …
…💛💚💙…
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💜 It’s YOUR!!! Job to Support His Job Control Freak; 👏🏾 🙌 👍🏾 🙏🏿 👌🏾 💪 👏🏾 so, Very Well Done, Keep It Up, Very Good and Carry On, Stiff Upper Lip 💋 👍🏾 😀 👏🏾 💪 😄 💋 and ALL That
…💛💚💙…
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…”Gird The Loins, Stiffen The Sinews, Summon The Blood and In To Breach Once Again My Friends…” ~ Bill Shakes…
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I am glad that my husband is sharing the housework. As we both always had fulltime jobs, I could not possibly do everything by myself, so we have fixed jobs, and the rest we do together.
I think the not finishing jobs and the matter with the mess is on purpose, I heard that about other husbands too, so that the wives don’t ask them to help anymore. 😉 😀
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I too have always worked but we’ve never split jobs fairly
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He is a lucky, lucky guy, I hope he knows it … 😉
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He does
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Is he allowed to read this?
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Absolutely!
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🙂
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It took a few ‘conversations’ post retirement to get my spouse to realize he wasn’t going to be allowed to sit around the house without contributing. We now have a cleaning schedule switching off duties, and that has been going quite well. What a relief! Hope a similar miracle happens for you, Sheree!
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Pray for me Eliza
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You got it! 🙂
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Thank you 🙏
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You are a good, good, woman. 💜
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😎
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The beauty of this piece shows the love (one I’d call tough love) between the both of you. Most men are wired to achieve results and really not care about the process. When they want salt from the drawer, they don’t care what happens to the drawer after they have collected the salt. I’m sure you miss his tiny little troubles now he is away. 😆
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We’ve been married for a long time and it’s true that leopards don’t change their spots!
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I hope you get lucky and get a few day by yourself. Like the Americans say – Break a leg!
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Thank you Maanvir
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