Things my beloved doesn’t do: put stuff back where it belongs

As you might expect from someone who is anally organised, everything has its place. Consequently, I’m unlikely to lose or mislay anything. Sadly, the same cannot be said of my beloved who misplaces anything not surgically attached to him. As someone who loves planning and preparation, it’s singularly annoying being married to someone who totally eshews it.  Of course, it may simply be a case of opposites attracting but sometimes I feel as if I’m in groundhog day.

If he leaves the flat to go for a ride, you know that several minutes after he’s slammed the door shut, the bell will ring. This will be because he’s forgotten something. It could be his sunglasses or helmet but is more likely to be his keys or mobile phone. To avoid something similar happening before we head off to the airport, I will make him check his briefcase for his passport, mobile phone, charger and wallet. This often means he has a frantic last-minute scrabble through coat pockets and drawers to locate at least one of these items. While he’s hunting around, I’m standing by the front door with a face like thunder enquiring why he couldn’t have undertaken these simple checks the night before.

It’s rare for my beloved to unload the dishwasher and put everything away but, on the few occasions that he does, he won’t put utensils in the correct drawers. We have lived in the flat for nearly 13 years and, in all that time, everything has remained in the same spot. The many drawers have a logic, I group similar items together. Likewise the implements I regularly use are grouped beside the stove, stacked in jugs. But he just stuffs them in any old drawer and then I have to hunt around for them – so annoying!

I have however stopped putting his clothes away for him after I have ironed, pressed or cleaned them. He has his own dressing room, cupboards and wardrobes. When he claims not to be able to find something, he can’t blame me. Of course, if it’s not immediately in view, it’s not there! I can’t tell you how many times he’s told me he’s searched and it’s not there and I find it almost straight away.

If it doesn’t need to be hung up, it should be put away in clear, see-through plastic boxes. However, he tends to keep wearing the same things over and over, either because he can’t be bothered to put them away or because they’re at the top of the box. We had a massive clear out of his wardrobe recently where it was pretty obvious that he just stashes stuff in the nearest rather than the designated box which partly explains why he can never find anything! They’ve now been sorted and I’ve even carried out of few spot checks to ensure he’s not mixing up the contents again. But I know it’s only a matter of time………………………….

No prizes for guessing who owns this!

We share an office, not an ideal situation, but it’s the only place in the flat that has a WiFi service. We recently looked into ways in which we could extend said service to the rest of the apartment and we’re still reeling from the size of the quote! You can immediately tell which is my half or, in truth, my quarter of the office. It’s the tidy bit where everything is neatly filed and labelled. The rest is a mish-mash with stuff stacked any old how. It’s next on my list of things to tackle after the much-postponed clear out of the caves. Of course, part of the issue is the number of week-ends he works or is away from home, meaning these types of chores just keep getting postponed indefinitely. I’d happily tackle them myself but it is his stuff!

 

Things my beloved does: loses stuff, lots of it

To be honest this subject is worthy of its own blog, only because in our 40 year’s of marriage he’s lost so many things. I’m fond of saying “I’d be a wealthy women if I had a Euro for everything my beloved has lost.” In reality, I’d be even wealthy as I’d have saved the cost of the replacements too. Of course, we all lose or more generally misplace things from time to time. No one’s perfect, even me. But I’ve yet to meet anyone, other than my beloved, who loses or temporarily misplaces something most days. My late mother used to say my beloved could lose anything not surgically attached to him. And that pretty much sums him up.

Now I should clarify what I mean by lost. I mean things that are irrevocably lost, not things he’s temporarily misplaced (again) or left somewhere where he regularly visits. I can’t tell you how many telephone calls I’ve had from hotels or family and friends over the years letting me know they’ve found my husband’s toilet bag, shoes, jacket, jumper, mobile phone, wallet, keys and so on and will keep it until his next visit or will send it on. Similarly, I’ve – yes, it’s usually me – had to ring countless places enquiring if when they his cleaned room, whether they have  found something my beloved might have left behind. At this point, I should add that it’s invariably something relatively new and inevitably expensive. The type of loss that might be the subject of an insurance claim but probably won’t be because he can’t remember when or even where he lost it.

You may be wondering how he manages to leave stuff behind in hotel rooms. Doesn’t he check everywhere before he leaves? The answer to that is, no, he doesn’t. Additionally, he invariably gets absolutely everything out of his case and populates the entire room with his stuff, rather than confining it to the wardrobe and a couple of drawers. I’ve even tried to make it easier by sending him off with say four of everything so he can check when he re-packs. However, he just stuffs everything, clean or dirty, back into the suitcase. When we travel together, I check everywhere in the room before we leave, particularly the top shelf of the wardrobe where he often lobs his dirty stuff.

He’s also lost or misplaced his passport on numerous occasions yet I’ve still managed to get him either in or out of the country he’s been visiting – I’ll explain how in another post. And, there we have it in a nutshell. My beloved rarely has to cope with the consequences of his actions, or lack thereof. He can rely on me to smooth out all the bumps while he sails serenely onwards and upwards. I suspect it’s all part of his “just in time” management. My beloved likes to leave everything until absolutely the very last minute. I can never get him to do anything unless he deems it to be both urgent and important for him. Yes, we’re total opposites in that respect.

You may have heard of the Kuebler-Ross Model, explaining the five stages of grief. Well, my beloved and I go through the five stages of acceptance of loss, as follows:

  1. Denial – His first reaction is always denial. At this stage he believes I’m mistaken and he has merely temporarily misplaced the object in question. He clings to a false, preferable reality.
  2. Anger – When he recognises that denial cannot continue, because he cannot locate the item in question, despite turning the place upside down. I too become angry that he’s lost something and that I will have to replace it or arrange for its replacement, plus tidy up the mess he’d made looking for it.
  3. Bargaining – The third stage involves negotiation for a replacement where my beloved promises to never ever lose said item again. I’ve recently introduced the “three strikes and you’re out” rule. Whereby I’ll replace lost item twice and thereafter it’ll be a much cheaper replacement. My beloved lost three pairs of Oakley sports’ glasses, he now wears those from Decathlon.
  4. Depression – My beloved gets a wee bit down about his ability to lose so many things but probably not as depressed as I get about constantly having to replace stuff he’s lost through repeating the same errors.”Will he ever learn?” I think we all know the answer to that question.
  5. Acceptance – He’ll say: “I’m not the only person who loses things.” To which I’ll respond that it’s probably true but I’m not married to other people.
    Finally, we both accept that at this late stage in his life he’s sadly, unlikely to change and I’ll just have to put up with it. Here we both embrace inevitability with a calm, retrospective view.

Because my beloved loses or misplaces something most days, I have a raft of stories some of which I’ll be sharing with you over the coming weeks, months and years. Yes, he’s lost a lot of stuff!